Survivors' Voices: Back to School

When my teenagers returned to school a few weeks ago, I couldn’t help but think of all the people I care about who were not safe when they went back to school as children.

I’m honored to share a few powerful reflections on the topic below.

(If you have experienced sexual abuse in the Catholic Church, I would be honored to include your perspective in future installments of this “Survivors’ Voices” series. You can find more information here: An Invitation for Survivors.)

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• At back to school time, I immediately think of the safety of all children. Even though I was NOT protected as a child, one important aspect of my own personal healing has been to raise awareness that child abuse affects all communities. One of the best ways to keep children safe is to openly talk with all adults about childhood safeguarding, wherever children are. We all have a role in keeping children safe. I pray for vigilance against anyone who would abuse or neglect any child.

• As a child, and still today, I love learning. I was too little to understand that school left me vulnerable to the priest’s attacks. I could never anticipate the sexual or spiritual attacks of childhood. The shock of this god abuser caused my young brain to step in and separated my life into categories so that I could survive attending catholic school. My brain separated my love of learning from the experiences of abuse. As an adult in recovery I was able to maintain my fondness of learning and found education a dynamic means to recovery, empowerment, and helping others find a way out of despair. The death anniversary of my abuser is September 5th and it coincides with an early-in-life suicide attempt one year after the priest’s death. This time of year reminds me of where I came from, where I am now, and of my commitment to humanity, especially the little ones and the vulnerable.

• I start not being able to breathe in August, my body freezes up and I become anxious about everything. It takes several days of this for me to realize what’s going on. My body is remembering. Each August I returned to work, and that meant returning to the place where I was abused, back into the economic control of the people who received my reporting and did nothing to help. I close down and can’t concentrate. I remind myself that this is PTSD and I will return to myself soon. Be patient, breathe, it will pass. It will pass.

• I loved to sing in our parish children’s choir. I did look forward to September as we would begin a new season. Unfortunately that also meant “the hugs and worse” would begin again. I eventually gave up being a part of the choir. There is always some nervousness this time of year as ministries gear up. My ‘radar’ is heightened to my surroundings in the parish. I pray mightily for our parishioners’ safety, that no one experiences what I and too many others have survived.

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May we work together to make our communities safe for all children - and all adults as well.

~ Sara