Today’s reflections point to the complex reality survivors experience when engaging with both canon and civil lawyers. (If you missed Part 1, you can find those insights here.)
After I reported to my bishop via letter, I was summoned to the chancery for an interview with the diocesan counsel (a man) and the person designated to be a victim advocate (a woman). The interview itself was amicable and business-like, but afterward my only recourse was to speak with the woman wrongly titled an "advocate." She was harsh and condescending. I strongly believe, based on what has transpired since the interview, that the only purpose for the interview was to have counsel and staff gauge liability and to control any negative effect to the diocese.
When I came forward to the diocese with my story, there was already a lawsuit in process against the university that had hired my abuser (a monk who lived in the monastery on campus), brought forward by two of his other victims. Part of the reason I came forward to that diocese was I heard from mutual friends that the lawsuit had stalled; I wanted the diocese to know it wasn't just those women. The representative the monestary sent to try and keep me from becoming a liability seemed very confident the lawsuit had stalled as well. She didn't know I'd recorded our entire (rather incriminating for them) conversation (which is legal in the state I live in) and sent it, along with all the other evidence I had, to the lawyer for the other two women. They were able to reach a settlement where previously they would have gotten nothing.
I strongly recommend that any victim go to secular authorities and let the secular authorities deal with the Church. After my family and I were groomed for a year, our pastor started pursuing me for a secretive, presumably sexual, relationship. I saw him in situations with other women before that time that were indicators of misconduct, so I was already a bit guarded. I stopped the dynamic before a crime was committed, but I sincerely believe Father's behavior to be habitual and that the diocese, using the expertise of their counsel, knows and tolerates/enables Father. In my state, clergy having sex with a congregant is a felony. I had to learn about our fiduciary law on my own, and I even had to educate the local police department.
It took me many months to build up enough courage to call a lawyer to obtain information about how to file against the Catholic church. I was still struggling with shame and self-blame, but I knew I was up against the statute of limitations. I explained my situation to the prepaid legal attorney – about repeatedly being raped by the parish priest from second grade through eighth grade. I found it extremely intimidating and humiliating to share. His response was something like this: "Now, let me get this straight… you want to file suit for something that happened more than 50 years ago; the guy is dead; you have no documentation or witnesses.” To say I was devastated would be an understatement. The pain and shame were so overwhelming that I was unable to make another call for a very long time. Every time I attempted another phone call, I was overwhelmed with panic and tears. Years later, when the statute of limitations was extended for my state, I was further along in my recovery and realized that obtaining a specialist in clergy cases is a must. The next attorney was like a mill. I felt treated like a number. The intake person was businesslike and did not make me comfortable sharing. I found a third attorney who was amazing – kind, compassionate, very aware of the inner pain and shame, yet very encouraging that “proof” (as in a rape kit or eye witnesses) was different for clergy cases than being mugged on the street. I was told that I was very credible, and they’d be happy to take my case; however, I was also warned about the typical treatment by the church during formal legal proceedings. I had to think hard about my needs, and ultimately decided to forgo a suit and focus on my recovery, rather than risking a huge setback because of aggressive tactics that are so typical of the church during the legal process.
I’m very torn on this topic - I both regret getting a lawyer involved in my case, and I wish I had done so sooner. I think that having a lawyer advocating for me during the reporting process could have made the process feel less daunting (they certainly had their lawyers involved), and maybe could have helped the Archdiocese take me more seriously. I felt very alone standing against this giant. However, once I did get a lawyer involved, several years later, it exacerbated the feeling that I was in one side, and the Church on the other. I still haven’t found my way out of that adversarial posture, and it has taken a major toll on my faith. This dichotomy seems to epitomizes such a painful aspect of abuse in the church for me - that I need the Church to both be my spiritual home and to play an almost legal role in being a source of justice. And while faith tells me those two things shouldn’t be opposed, experience makes it feel as if they are so completely at odds, it makes me wonder how there will ever be peace.
Thank you for listening to these voices. I’ll see you again for the Reading Roundup at the end of the month.
~ Sara
Sara, I cannot express how important that what your doing is. I am heartily sorry for what has happened to these survivors. For the record, these assults where a deep violation to thier person and should have never happened to them. Its was wrong and cannot be forgiven until justice is searved. Getting the word out so that these violations are front and center of every parshioner's mind when they drop money in that basker each Sunday is crucial. This money is being used to cover up criminal activity by the church. I have been encouraging parishoners to leave an anonymous note in the basket on Sunday stating that their donation is being forwarded to a particular survivor themselves or to a survivors advocacy group. Let me know what you think. In a sign of solidarity please subscribe to my Substack as I will be covering this in the next several articles I publish. If you have time please read my most recent article and comment. Lets get the conversation "front and center." Peace always to you and to those in your care, Guy
Sara,
Finding it difficult reading about survivors experiences of clerical sex abuse that names of cleric abusers, complicit or “winking” prelates and diocesan leadership’s complicit staff names are omitted from your survivor accounts.
It was enormously liberating to watch the heroic women & amateur PI’s, Gemma Hoskins & Abbie Fitzgerald Schaub expose the horrendous crimes of not-Reverends Joseph Maskell & E. Neil Magnus in the Netflix series “The Keepers, Who Killed Sister Cathy”;
The courage it took for survivors Jean Hardagon Wehner & Teresa Lancaster to stand-up against immoral and corrupt Baltimore Archbishops William Lori, Edwin O’Brien and William Keeler is commendable.
Until their elite Catholic boys club is shut down with the ordination married persons and women deacons, priests, bishops, the Catholic Church hierarchy will continue to suffer from its institutional vice, counterfeit virtue while us pew sitters are inflicted with the attendant moral injury from these bishops.
Sincerely,
Robert
Milwaukee