Survivors' Voices: Lawyers, Part 2

Today’s reflections point to the complex reality survivors experience when engaging with both canon and civil lawyers. (If you missed Part 1, you can find those insights here.)

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• After I reported to my bishop via letter, I was summoned to the chancery for an interview with the diocesan counsel (a man) and the person designated to be a victim advocate (a woman). The interview itself was amicable and business-like, but afterward my only recourse was to speak with the woman wrongly titled an "advocate." She was harsh and condescending. I strongly believe, based on what has transpired since the interview, that the only purpose for the interview was to have counsel and staff gauge liability and to control any negative effect to the diocese.

• When I came forward to the diocese with my story, there was already a lawsuit in process against the university that had hired my abuser (a monk who lived in the monastery on campus), brought forward by two of his other victims. Part of the reason I came forward to that diocese was I heard from mutual friends that the lawsuit had stalled; I wanted the diocese to know it wasn't just those women. The representative the monestary sent to try and keep me from becoming a liability seemed very confident the lawsuit had stalled as well. She didn't know I'd recorded our entire (rather incriminating for them) conversation (which is legal in the state I live in) and sent it, along with all the other evidence I had, to the lawyer for the other two women. They were able to reach a settlement where previously they would have gotten nothing.

• I strongly recommend that any victim go to secular authorities and let the secular authorities deal with the Church. After my family and I were groomed for a year, our pastor started pursuing me for a secretive, presumably sexual, relationship. I saw him in situations with other women before that time that were indicators of misconduct, so I was already a bit guarded. I stopped the dynamic before a crime was committed, but I sincerely believe Father's behavior to be habitual and that the diocese, using the expertise of their counsel, knows and tolerates/enables Father. In my state, clergy having sex with a congregant is a felony. I had to learn about our fiduciary law on my own, and I even had to educate the local police department.

• It took me many months to build up enough courage to call a lawyer to obtain information about how to file against the Catholic church. I was still struggling with shame and self-blame, but I knew I was up against the statute of limitations. I explained my situation to the prepaid legal attorney – about repeatedly being raped by the parish priest from second grade through eighth grade. I found it extremely intimidating and humiliating to share. His response was something like this: "Now, let me get this straight… you want to file suit for something that happened more than 50 years ago; the guy is dead; you have no documentation or witnesses.” To say I was devastated would be an understatement. The pain and shame were so overwhelming that I was unable to make another call for a very long time. Every time I attempted another phone call, I was overwhelmed with panic and tears. Years later, when the statute of limitations was extended for my state, I was further along in my recovery and realized that obtaining a specialist in clergy cases is a must. The next attorney was like a mill. I felt treated like a number. The intake person was businesslike and did not make me comfortable sharing. I found a third attorney who was amazing – kind, compassionate, very aware of the inner pain and shame, yet very encouraging that “proof” (as in a rape kit or eye witnesses) was different for clergy cases than being mugged on the street. I was told that I was very credible, and they’d be happy to take my case; however, I was also warned about the typical treatment by the church during formal legal proceedings. I had to think hard about my needs, and ultimately decided to forgo a suit and focus on my recovery, rather than risking a huge setback because of aggressive tactics that are so typical of the church during the legal process.

• I’m very torn on this topic - I both regret getting a lawyer involved in my case, and I wish I had done so sooner. I think that having a lawyer advocating for me during the reporting process could have made the process feel less daunting (they certainly had their lawyers involved), and maybe could have helped the Archdiocese take me more seriously. I felt very alone standing against this giant. However, once I did get a lawyer involved, several years later, it exacerbated the feeling that I was in one side, and the Church on the other. I still haven’t found my way out of that adversarial posture, and it has taken a major toll on my faith. This dichotomy seems to epitomizes such a painful aspect of abuse in the church for me - that I need the Church to both be my spiritual home and to play an almost legal role in being a source of justice. And while faith tells me those two things shouldn’t be opposed, experience makes it feel as if they are so completely at odds, it makes me wonder how there will ever be peace.

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Thank you for listening to these voices. I’ll see you again for the Reading Roundup at the end of the month.

~ Sara