Listening to and walking with victim-survivors has made me keenly aware of the many myths and misconceptions that obscure our understanding of the issue of sexual abuse in the Catholic Church. This month, I asked the Survivors’ Voices Panel to point out some things they would like to clear up. Their responses are quite enlightening!
(If you have experienced sexual abuse in the Catholic Church, I would be honored to include your perspective in future installments of this “Survivors’ Voices” series. You can find more information here: An Invitation for Survivors.)
The number one misconception I run into is that “survivors of clerical sexual abuse” is some group outside of and separate from the Church. No, quite a lot of us are literally in the pew next to you. Talk about us like we’re in the room.
People think that when priests initiate a sexual encounter (or attempt to) - it’s a relationship, not abuse. There is, in fact, a huge power imbalance. It is, in fact, an abuse of position and power, usually mixed with spiritual abuse - twisting what the Church actually teaches. Church leaders don't take the charges seriously, calling it a “relationship” and a “lapse in judgment” instead of the abuse it actually is. They blame the victim. The most common access point for these predators is offering spiritual direction.
There is a pervasive misconception that victim-survivors of clergy sexual abuse come forward with allegations for the purpose of extorting money from the Catholic Church. This misconception is incredibly hurtful. To suggest that any type of monetary compensation from the Church is either undeserved or somehow ameliorates the harm caused by the abuse invalidates and minimizes the trauma that victim-survivors of abuse experience. It's also a common misconception that all victim-survivors of clergy sexual abuse pursue legal action (many don't or can't due to statute of limitations laws or other reasons).
There is never a time when the adult is not in charge of maintaining appropriate boundaries - physical, emotional, and spiritual. It is never about a child “tempting” the adult to behave incorrectly. The adult has all the power.
Victims like myself are often left voiceless, fearful, shamed, silenced, traumatized, sometimes for decades, sometimes forever. This fact makes it easier for others to deny or bury our stories, interpret or misinterpret our stories, distort our stories, avoid our stories, squelch our stories, generalize our stories, or turn us into something we are not in the stories told about us. Misconceptions formed, in part, due to the lack of inquiry and care to learn our stories. Long-held and publicly broadcasted misconceptions were normalized, institutionalized, standardized, and some misconceptions informed responses, practices, and policies. Language was created from misconceptions. Misconceptions squeezed us out of the picture as the dialogue and discussions continued on as if the misconceptions were facts. I don’t recognize my story, needs, wisdom, or identity in much of was publicized in the past or by church leadership.. History has been written without us, though not forever. Things are changing. Voices are rising up. Supporters are showing up. Solidarity is forming. A new era is dawning.
People generally assume that it can only happen to young men or children. I think this is in part because it's what's been covered most in the media, and partly because they want to believe it can't happen to them, only to "those" people. It's based in fear.
A common misconception many people have is that healing from individual wounds caused by childhood trauma of abuse by a priest is the same as healing the church from scandal and abuse of power. It's not the same. The symptoms I carry with me each day are similar in nature to PTSD: various triggers which can disrupt me, feelings of detachment, anxiety, sadness, depression, and more. Healing from that is possible with God's grace and involves family, faith, and friends along my journey. Healing from church scandal and abuse of power involves dismantling a clerical culture. It is possible too, with transparency, accountability, and involvement of the laity, as well as God's grace. But there is a clear distinction between the two issues.
There are so many misconceptions! I remember sharing my story in a public way online, and having someone "inform" me that, "that never would have happened if you were older. You just weren't mature enough to recognize what was going on." (I was assaulted in college.) I didn't bother telling her I knew people who had been groomed and assaulted substantially later in life. I've also seen multiple people insinuate that when it happens to a woman it's a "natural" sexual inclination on the part of the abuser and should be treated lightly in comparison to the "truly" disordered homosexual abuses. The deeper assumption is that, if you're a woman, it was probably consensual on some level.
Repeated victimization of an individual does not make the victim the serial offender! This seems a common misconception. Most victims have had their natural boundaries aggressively eroded by dysfunctional family lives from birth. That makes us easy targets. Predators smell us out like sharks smell blood in the water.
Despite everything, I don't hate the Catholic Church. Often I think I'm expected to, and sometimes I wish I did, but I don't. I think there is truth in Catholicism, and I honestly believe in its potential to change from harmer to healer. That's why I have spoken out so loudly about the abuse within the Church: I want desperately for this institution to be the Light I know it has the potential to be.
Thank you to all those who shared reflections. More on this topic next week.
~ Sara
As an adult abused by clergy I can say I relate with every one of the comments. Personally, I find that anyone who does not want yo understand will hood into misconceptions and judgment. I used to try and educate and explain. I ended up putting the effort used to help myself process what happened and to use the situation as an instrument of healing by going after my vulnerability from childhood abuse. I could not heal what happened in the church unless I addressed my childhood wounds. The dots were all connected. I am coming out on the other end in better form than when the abuse occurred. That’s how good conquers evil. Thank all the survivors for speaking out and Awake for providing the opportunity. 🙏🌹