My Very First Blog Post, from December 2018

I am approaching the three year anniversary of the In Spirit and Truth blog, which has made me a bit reflective. In that spirit, I am resharing the post I wrote to launch this blog, to give you a little glimpse at who I was when I began.

While the focus of In Spirit and Truth has shifted away from sharing my own voice and towards sharing the voices of survivors, I thought some of my new readers might appreciate having some sense of where I came from.

So much has changed in my life since I began writing. Sometimes I feel like a completely different person than the Sara who began this journey just a few years ago. She seems so young, so naive and optimistic. She had no idea what she was saying Yes to, but she said Yes with her whole heart. I suppose that counts for something.

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December 29, 2018

If you had told me one year ago that I would be writing a blog about the clergy abuse and cover up crisis, I would never have believed you. But God works in mysterious ways – so here I am.

Here’s the truth: The past five months have been some of the most challenging and soul-shaking of my life. I am a different person than I was back in August, when God first put me on this journey. I have read a lot, cried a lot, prayed a lot. My heart has been broken open with sorrow and pain and a longing for truth. I have grieved for my Church and for souls torn apart by abuse. I have asked the Holy Spirit for guidance along the way, and I have been trying to pay attention to where I’m being led, no matter how uncomfortable it makes me.

I have already had many conversations about this topic, but I haven’t been ready to share myself fully, until now. Today, I am ready. I’m ready to move from reflection into action and to tell the whole truth to the people that I love. I feel like I have so much to say, so much to do in the months ahead, but I also want to explain how I got here – how this faithful daughter of the Church became a voice calling for reform.

There’s plenty I’m working on beyond the online world (and I will share more about that later), but this blog feels like an important step, a way to tell my story to my friends and family (and maybe to some strangers too). I started writing several months ago, but I have been waiting to launch, feeling trepidatious about where this will lead. It’s scary to leap into the unknown, to tell God that He can do with you what He will, especially when you already have your life all planned out. But I can’t wait any longer, can’t pretend that everything is ok when it’s really, really not. Anyway, I’m saying a little prayer and finally hitting “Publish” today. I can’t tell you exactly what I’ll be writing about or how often I’ll be able to post. Honestly, I don’t even know that myself. But I can promise you I will tell the truth, to the best of my ability. I think we need a lot more of that in our world today.

The title of this blog comes from the Gospel of John, when Jesus encounters the woman at the well. As he guides this open-hearted woman to conversion, Jesus tells her, “Those who worship God must worship in Spirit and truth.” I see this blog, this journey, as one small way I can answer that call from my Savior.

I want to love Jesus with my whole heart, to follow Him wherever He leads, to be brave enough to look honestly at the Church that I love. I want to worship my Lord in Spirit and truth.

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