Survivors' Voices: Advice for Bishops

Following up on last month’s topic - Advice for Priests - I thought it would be worth asking what advice our Survivors’ Voices Panelists would have for bishops in particular.

I don’t know if any bishops read this blog regularly, but maybe some of you could send this along to your bishop friends. :)

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• Dear bishop - Be shepherds and protect the sheep. Do the work. Love like Christ because he is the answer to this situation. He searches for the ones lost.

• The Church tells us that your primary responsibility is pastoral in nature. Not to be an administrator, not to create a system of gatekeepers to make sure victims are "telling the truth" before we get to your office, not to tell me that the Church's response is predicated on the judicial court system. Your responsibility is to be a spiritual father. Lumen Gentium calls for your role to be that of a shepherd. And yet how many of your flock has been destroyed through the abuse that we've suffered, or the secondary repercussions that have caused lost faith? Why do you choose to protect a man-made system - and yes, the Church's administrative scaffold is man-made - over searching earnestly and faithfully to recover the People of God, to nurture us back to health, and to ensure that we are protected from the wolves within our pastures?

• I know you've got a lot of needs to balance as Bishop, and I don't envy your job. That said, it's painful to realize that you've been 'handled' rather than taken seriously. If you can't promise something, don't promise it, but don't be duplicitous in order to make us go away either.

• Know this: In 1992, I met with three diocesan representatives, the Moderator of the Curia, a nun, and a diocesan lawyer. It was difficult to read my statement telling them twelve priests abused me from first through 12th grade. After my statement, the Moderator of the Curia asked me: "Did your father sexually abuse you? Did he admit it?" Then he approached me, clasped my hands, and said, "Sorry." Now I realize his questions were cruel, implying I was the cause of what happened. He and the nun left the room. Then the lawyer stood and asked me, "Did you at any time approach a priest for sex?" I answered him, 'No." He looked down at his shoes for a moment and asked again, "Did you at any time approach a priest for sex?" He also bullied me and inferred that the priests were the victims. The lawyer left the room and drove away with the monsignor and the nun. It has taken me thirty-two years to face the horror of this meeting that was medieval misogyny. The abandonment was profound, as I was a cradle Catholic and believed that the shepherd would leave the 99 and come for me. I recently contacted the diocese's Victims Assistance Coordinator and sent her this story. She presented this to the current Diocesan Review Board. Their response was, "We are doing things differently now."

• Clear your ranks (among priests and bishops, and curia staff) who encouraged you to "keep your head down and ignore the issue" or "silence them." The victims and others impacted deserved better. They deserved to experience the love of Jesus. You have blood on your hands for each soul lost.

• The religious orders operating in your dioceses possibly have dirty secrets they're trying to keep from you. In my personal and observed experience, religious orders won't tell the bishop if they have a priest who's been accused of misconduct; they'll try to handle it "in house.” This leads to abuser priests getting moved from one diocese to another by an order, with the receiving diocese not being informed of that priest's history. Be aware of this, and tell anyone who reports to you abuse by a member of a religious order that they need to report it to that order's home diocese as well.

• My advice to you as a Bishop, whenever faced with decisions having to do with survivors, is to ask yourself, “What would Jesus do? How would Jesus respond?” You have great power as Bishop. On the outside chance that you don’t know this, it takes tremendous courage to come forward as a survivor. Would Jesus put a survivor in a room full of lawyers or other “suits” and fire off question after question to trip up an already fragile victim? Absolutely not! Jesus would listen. He would be respectful. He would be kind and compassionate. He would want to get to the truth. If a survivor is shaken and lost and asking for assistance with therapy or other support, would Jesus refuse? Of course not! Would Jesus take the criminal priest and assign him to another church so he can prey on more children? NO, NO, NO!!! Your flock, both parishioners and priests, are looking to you for guidance in how to live their lives the way Jesus would. Your actions speak louder than words. Priests causing harm to a child must be removed from where they can cause any further harm. And the survivors whose lives have become so very devastated by this harm, must be provided care and support. Jesus would not want it any other way. Please forget the “politics” and the hierarchical pressures and the trying to please everyone – this is about protection of our most vulnerable – Jesus is watching you. Please choose in accordance with His expectations and not anyone else’s.

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Thank you to all the people who write these reflections and all the people who read them. I value each one of you.

With gratitude,
Sara

PS: If you have experienced any form of abuse by a Catholic leader and would like to share your own thoughts on this or future topics, I would be grateful to include your perspective. You can find information about joining the Survivors’ Voices Panel here: An Invitation for Survivors.