When recovering the buried memory of my childhood sex abuse, I relived it with the same physical pain as being raped as an 8 year old boy. Even though I was in my 60's when my memory returned
I cried openly when reliving the pain and spiritual brokenness. Somehow, I feel that my tears were answered by God. Without my reliving the pain I feel that God would've remained silent.
When reliving the long ago memory, I feel as if my trapped and frightened 8 year old boy was released from an emotional prison.
I now moderate a therapy group for other Survivors of sexual violence. Even though I was a victim,
I don't want other people to become victims. I express myself very strongly as a person.
Maybe this is God's answer to me? In the long run, I can't say much for sure.
I remember the apathy and complicity of many people over the years. I can't go back and confront them. I figure the best revenge is to live my life as powerfully as I can. Hurtful people need to see other people feel miserable to feel good about themselves. I do my best to deny such people
I share the pain expressed having been abused in the seminary by my spiritual director myself and was momentarily suicidal because of it! But I heard a recent commentary on Jesus cry of abandonment from the cross and it said that at that moment God Father looked away because He couldn’t stand seeing His Son in such pain.
This gets at our image of God in His all-power-fullness! It seems that we are born in His image and likeness which means He experiences the same emotions and reactions in the face of abhorrent evil that we do! He is all-powerful in that He can bring good even out of that! He has given us freedom and can’t take that back even when we do such evil! But He does use that experience to move us forward to greater love!
This is small consolation when we are in the midst of the pain of our own feelings of abandonment, but it does provide a way out when we are ready to rise from our tomb! It only took Jesus 3 days, but we are not God so it might take us a little longer to see the way out!
A personal theory I have is that any severe pain and abuse leaves an empty space within our spirits. We spend the rest of our lives looking for ways to fill that empty space. It's how we search that defines us as people. I figure it's important to search for my most powerful sense of Me. It's a life long journey
I don't read the Bible all that much, but do like to think about The Book of Job. I interpret God's conversation with God at the end of the book as God saying " Just because I'm God doesn't mean I can control everything!!"
In other words, humans are part of the equation. In Exodus, there's a guy, I forget his name, who made the first step into the Red Sea. God needed to see somebody make the first move before
I am not a survivor, but often ask that question Where was God? Something happened to me when I first learned what was going on in the church. And to this day I can not walk into a Catholic Church. I still somehow believe and love Jesus and talk to him throughout the day. But that question is always in the back of my mind. I wish that I could do or say something to all of you to help you, but I can’t. I believe you are all heroes. Very strong people. I pray for you all everyday. But still ask that question, Where was God? ❤️🙏
Many thanks for your thoughts. I consider myself as My Own Hero, so to speak. You yourself are a hero, because you step forward with a true sense of compassion and empathy. It's actually people like you that have helped Survivors like me in our quest for Justice and spiritual repair.
Our search for spirituality is very unique to each of us. I myself have converted to Reform Judaism. My mom's family were non practicing Eastern European Jews. My conversion makes me feel spiritual connection with my non practicing ancestors, and I also identify with many core values of Judaism.
Thank you each so much for sharing with us your thoughtful insights and wisdom on this question. I am grateful to be carrying your stories with me in my heart, and in my prayers too, on this Holy Saturday — this day when we contemplate God’s descent into hell, the suspension of hope, and the promise of resurrection.
I am grateful for every one of these insights shared here, and I truly respect the diversity of feeling shown. It's a different journey for each. It's a different journey for me. I so much appreciated, though, having pointed out to me that Psalm 88 is unique in it's NOT attempting to turn tragedy into hope--I'm not there, for sure. Yesterday morning I turned to Morning Prayer, and saw Psalm 88. Jesus dead in the tomb. It's a real "comfort" actually to feel something more fitting in the liturgy for a change.
I was on a retreat recently, and one of the reflections was on meekness, an often under-appreciated virtue. One of the points made was the evangelical power that it has. Jesus suffered immensely in His Agony and Passion, even though He had done nothing to merit an ounce of it. That led me to reflect on the suffering of innocent people, and where Christ can be found in it. If we believe Jesus to be everything He is, then He is sharing in every one of our sufferings, and twofold when we are hurt or abused by others- once for us, and once for the abusers. And His response is radical meekness- suffering and dying for our sins and the sins of those who hurt us, no matter how grave.
His Agony in the Garden is particularly interesting as it’s not a single event in time- He experiences the weight of all human sin through the end of time, all at once. So the suffering we experience now and that we will experience for the rest of our lives was experienced by Christ already. Which is why many people say He suffered more in the Agony than when He was scourged or crucified. While there are many sufferings in our world that we can’t explain or find meaning for, one thing we can be sure of is that Christ experiences it too, whether He feels near or far.
When recovering the buried memory of my childhood sex abuse, I relived it with the same physical pain as being raped as an 8 year old boy. Even though I was in my 60's when my memory returned
I cried openly when reliving the pain and spiritual brokenness. Somehow, I feel that my tears were answered by God. Without my reliving the pain I feel that God would've remained silent.
When reliving the long ago memory, I feel as if my trapped and frightened 8 year old boy was released from an emotional prison.
I now moderate a therapy group for other Survivors of sexual violence. Even though I was a victim,
I don't want other people to become victims. I express myself very strongly as a person.
Maybe this is God's answer to me? In the long run, I can't say much for sure.
I remember the apathy and complicity of many people over the years. I can't go back and confront them. I figure the best revenge is to live my life as powerfully as I can. Hurtful people need to see other people feel miserable to feel good about themselves. I do my best to deny such people
Claude Leboeuf
I share the pain expressed having been abused in the seminary by my spiritual director myself and was momentarily suicidal because of it! But I heard a recent commentary on Jesus cry of abandonment from the cross and it said that at that moment God Father looked away because He couldn’t stand seeing His Son in such pain.
This gets at our image of God in His all-power-fullness! It seems that we are born in His image and likeness which means He experiences the same emotions and reactions in the face of abhorrent evil that we do! He is all-powerful in that He can bring good even out of that! He has given us freedom and can’t take that back even when we do such evil! But He does use that experience to move us forward to greater love!
This is small consolation when we are in the midst of the pain of our own feelings of abandonment, but it does provide a way out when we are ready to rise from our tomb! It only took Jesus 3 days, but we are not God so it might take us a little longer to see the way out!
Bill Kessenich
Thanks for your thought Very unique name!
Hi Bill
A personal theory I have is that any severe pain and abuse leaves an empty space within our spirits. We spend the rest of our lives looking for ways to fill that empty space. It's how we search that defines us as people. I figure it's important to search for my most powerful sense of Me. It's a life long journey
Claude Leboeuf
I don't read the Bible all that much, but do like to think about The Book of Job. I interpret God's conversation with God at the end of the book as God saying " Just because I'm God doesn't mean I can control everything!!"
In other words, humans are part of the equation. In Exodus, there's a guy, I forget his name, who made the first step into the Red Sea. God needed to see somebody make the first move before
working the miracle of parting the Sea
I am not a survivor, but often ask that question Where was God? Something happened to me when I first learned what was going on in the church. And to this day I can not walk into a Catholic Church. I still somehow believe and love Jesus and talk to him throughout the day. But that question is always in the back of my mind. I wish that I could do or say something to all of you to help you, but I can’t. I believe you are all heroes. Very strong people. I pray for you all everyday. But still ask that question, Where was God? ❤️🙏
Thanks for your thought Emma I like your very unique name!
Claude Leboeuf
Maralyn
Many thanks for your thoughts. I consider myself as My Own Hero, so to speak. You yourself are a hero, because you step forward with a true sense of compassion and empathy. It's actually people like you that have helped Survivors like me in our quest for Justice and spiritual repair.
Our search for spirituality is very unique to each of us. I myself have converted to Reform Judaism. My mom's family were non practicing Eastern European Jews. My conversion makes me feel spiritual connection with my non practicing ancestors, and I also identify with many core values of Judaism.
Claude Leboeuf
Thank you each so much for sharing with us your thoughtful insights and wisdom on this question. I am grateful to be carrying your stories with me in my heart, and in my prayers too, on this Holy Saturday — this day when we contemplate God’s descent into hell, the suspension of hope, and the promise of resurrection.
I am grateful for every one of these insights shared here, and I truly respect the diversity of feeling shown. It's a different journey for each. It's a different journey for me. I so much appreciated, though, having pointed out to me that Psalm 88 is unique in it's NOT attempting to turn tragedy into hope--I'm not there, for sure. Yesterday morning I turned to Morning Prayer, and saw Psalm 88. Jesus dead in the tomb. It's a real "comfort" actually to feel something more fitting in the liturgy for a change.
I was on a retreat recently, and one of the reflections was on meekness, an often under-appreciated virtue. One of the points made was the evangelical power that it has. Jesus suffered immensely in His Agony and Passion, even though He had done nothing to merit an ounce of it. That led me to reflect on the suffering of innocent people, and where Christ can be found in it. If we believe Jesus to be everything He is, then He is sharing in every one of our sufferings, and twofold when we are hurt or abused by others- once for us, and once for the abusers. And His response is radical meekness- suffering and dying for our sins and the sins of those who hurt us, no matter how grave.
His Agony in the Garden is particularly interesting as it’s not a single event in time- He experiences the weight of all human sin through the end of time, all at once. So the suffering we experience now and that we will experience for the rest of our lives was experienced by Christ already. Which is why many people say He suffered more in the Agony than when He was scourged or crucified. While there are many sufferings in our world that we can’t explain or find meaning for, one thing we can be sure of is that Christ experiences it too, whether He feels near or far.